As some Apache’s would say… “Fire Water is good medicine!!”

Awkward post. Didn’t even know where to put it, there’s no special category for “street medicine”… So I guess it will fit over the drinks.

Man… I was starving… Thrustmaster shared that feeling over that evening with me… So we decided to grab some junk over the nearest Mac… And guess what… My cheeseburger was probably the oldest on the line, so it SUCKED AS EVER BEFORE!

Very strangely, my stomach didn’t stand for it, so the sickness begun. Felt like throwing up would probably be the best solution… Got over my place, “burp” here and there, and standing next to my balcony planned a tea, or just some antacid tablets… When, as a little whispering voice, my mind thought: “Vodka“. I instantly LOL’ed at that, but thought… The heck with it, why not, worst case I throw up what wouldn’t be actually that bad… Had a little leftover that’s probably old as hell, but it’s alcohol, so never too old… Had a gulp of it… And guess what… The sickness went all away. Felt like new, no more symptoms, even felt like eating a bit of fruit!

Heck I dunno why this happened… Maybe the thing has basis behavior… It’s possible… I’ll get some pH measuring string over my lab and test it… Whatever point is, it was almost instant and no sacrifices included… Ain’t that good to know?? ^^

Fruit (portuguease because eh.. I’m portuguease) salad.

Shouldn’t require recipe I know, but the quantities are not obvious… Whatever I don’t need to explain why I write here anyways..

I used these fruits, cause they’re easy to get around, and to prepare, and used the proportions cause usually the fruit always have allot of apple or other stuff we don’t like as much… So any other fruit can be added, at the same proportion (ie, 6 of it in this case).

6 apples, 6 oranges, 3 kiwis, one can of pineapple and a fruit soda.

Cut the apples in 4, kinda like making a cross on top. Than, take out the middle part and peal it off. Cut in small pieces (around the size of beans)

Cut the oranges in multiple parts horizontally (whatever thickness you want) and then slice all the circles like it was pizza

Peal the kiwis and cut them like the oranges

Grab half of the pineapple from the can, and just cut them like the oranges (except you will already have the circles)

Add the soda to the fruit salad. This way you’ll have a tasty sauce and the conservatives of the soda will help your salad last much longer!

DO NOT ADD SUGAR. Unless you like sugar allot, and not fruit-salad, where you should be eating sugar spoons instead of having all this work.

Done. Eat it. And please… Don’t get lazy and use the fruit salad as if it was a dinner, it’s a DESSERT (see the Category…??)… Blahh… You’ll probably do it anyways… Everyone does it.

Shot [sK]

Tagged [sK] after the clan (http://clansk.50megs.com/), this shit is deadly. And I really mean it. sK for Silent Killers… And for Christ-sake if it isn’t silent and killer… Always tastes softer than it actually is. It’s easy shit. Great part is that it uses equal proportions, so it’s advised for a large group (8-10 folks) as bottles can be easiest bought.

One bottle of Absinthe, Vodka,  Gold-Strike, four cans of Red Bull (or other energizing drink), one pack of m&m’s and some 4 tangerines.

Easier if you use a bottle of water for the mix. Than just drink it all night (or day) long, pass it to friends, put it on glasses, whatever. Oh and rest in peace… You will get pwned by this shit.

Mix the 4 different drinks in proportions of 25% each

If served in a glass, put one of the m&m’s on the glass after adding the drink

Grab two pieces of the tangerine

Drink the shit

Eat the tangerine (believe me, you need it… the pure absinthe doesn’t help at all… and I like absinthe)

One should get you happy… Two will get you dizzy… Four will get you drunk. Unless you’re too unnatural. Oh and use EXACLY those proportions, or the drink will suck.

Tuna and some pasta (cheese not included)

Works more as a time guide, so you can cook it and lame on your computer at the same time.

2 hands of curly pasta (use these ’cause of it’s ability to not keep the water in it, unlike the “elbow” pasta), a small pan and the tuna fish in can.

1st min: start boiling half pan of water, with olive oil covering the base of the pan and a tea spoon of bay salt

8th min: The water should have started to boil already. Put the 2 hands of pasta in it. Mix it. Set the fire to minimum

17th min: Get the shit out. It’s done.

Grab the tuna, squeeze the oil out, and eat it.

Of course the howtodo of the pasta can be used to whatever you want, as some steaks or fish. This is one of the easiest, fastest, and laziest meals you can cook. It’s one of my favourites actually.

Potatowning teh fish (yeah Fish with Potatoes…!)

First of all, I’d like to thank Simbelmyne for the banners she created. They’re great in both design and creativity. Obrigado miuda *

Now… To what matters…

A large pan (large enough for the ingredients you use to fill half of it) for everything.

- 7 potatoes cut in half (6by3 fingers of size)

- 200g of broccoli’s (can be frozen ones)

- 4 carrots (actually, how many you want. you have allot of freedom in this meal…)

- 4 ece’s of fish (or six if they look small… again… whatever. just think what you usually eat)

- two tea spoons of bay salt and olive oil

1st min – Place some water boiling (half of the pan) with the salt and the oil

10th min – The water’s probably boiling (it’s winter and we used cold water), so you can add the carrots and the potatoes

15th min – Add the fish and the broccoli’s

30th min – Take the stuff out.

Eh… Simple, easy, lazy, and hell healthy! Serve on a large dish, and eat with olive oil and some nice bread.

Now… Side notes… 1-This was not cooked over my stove, so I’ma need to test it over here one time (thanks Thrustmaster for the “laboratory”) 2-It’s winter and it was damn cold!, so if it gets a bit overcooked, well… Blame the winter I guess. 3-This meal was made for 2 guy’s.

Man… You spend what… 10 mins around this shit??? You’d take longer to get to the nearest Mc Donnald’s on your subway, so get your fat ass out of the chair and go get something done for lunch!

Now… Scenes of the next episodes… Aha!

Rice and some funky Beefsteak

Yes it’s basic. Yes it’s no big deal… But you know what… It’s normal food, tastes good and cooks fast. The format of the recipes will probably be all like this one; tools /paragraph/ ingredients (marked with the initial of what part of the meal they will be used to cook, to witch we shall refer by the initial, as in R for rice) /paragraph/ chronometrized instructions. Okei… Here it goes…

A pan (whatever size… around 1 spam diameter or something…) for the rice, a frying-pan for the steaks, a coke-glass (as in cookinotes), and a big wooden spoon.

R – 1/4 of an onion (with a diameter of 4 fingers; if not exactly that size, just scale it)

S – 3 individual garlic cloves, cut horizontally, one of them”cross-cut” vertically

R -1 individual garlic clove, cut horizontally

R/S – One tea spoon of bay salt

R – 2/3 of a coke glass with rice (can be mixed labels, as long as it’s not a different quality)

S – 3 steaks 5by8 fingers of size (were the ones used, but unlike the rice, more can be added without other changes)

R/S – olive oil, covering both the bases of the containers

1st min: Leave R heating up (use the smallest fire in your stove) , till it starts to boil. When it happens, use your spoon to spread the oil around the pan, so that the rice will be less likely to glue at it. After that, add the rice*

4th min: Add 1 and 1/2 glass of water (exactly 2 times what you added of rice). Now leave it till boiling

7th min: It should start boiling by now. When so, set the fire to the minimum, and leave the pan cover slightly open (use the spoon or leave it slightly misplaced)

8th min: start the fire on the largest burner you got in your stove, with the steaks already in the frying-pan with S too (and cover the pan)

9th min: set the fire on the steaks to medium

11th min: the steaks should already be half-cooked, so turn them around. You can add some-kinda funky stuff now, like some pepper, laurel… Whatever you feel like. I used some lemon for instance… You might barely note the taste of it though… But it makes you feel a pro. ^^

12th min: mix up the rice with your spoon, and leave it

13th min: Your steaks are ready to go. Turn off the burner and leave them covered.

14th min: 3rd and last time you should mix your rice. The water should be by the level of the rice, if not, leave it heating for a few more seconds. Set the fire to medium and fully cover it.

17th min: your rice should be ready by now.

NOTE:At * some people wash the rice… I don’t usually do it, and unlike most might think, it doesn’t make the rice “sticker” after cooked. And since the “washing-waters” of the rice is usually ingested for kidney problems, why not keep it on the rice. (:

Et voilà! 17 mins to cook some nice stuff. Add the ingredient-preparation time, and you’ll have around 25 mins of cooking time. Obviously, if you’re not solo (witch would make things much more interesting… ^^) you can double everything and work faster. Of course… If you’re with your girl/boyfriend… Don’t blame me if it takes longer, or if you burn anything. xD

Feel free to feedback. =P

Chapter one: Laws of Balcony

Allot may think otherwise, or just slightly disagree with some of the meals I’ll place here (and for so I expect the comments to be used for), but NO ONE shall never, EVER disagree with the Laws of Balcony, aka LOB. These are as essential as our dear Laws of Thermodynamics.

Law number one: The best meal with greatest output is “ordered food”;

Law number two: After 1 comes frozen-food, as in frozen pizza, frozen soup, frozen everything.

Law number three: Before picking up what meal you want to cook, always check for already open-food, or leftovers.

Law number four: Tuna and spaghetti are essential, and by essential I mean NEVER EVER let your pantry run out of one of those!

Law number five: Whenever you feel like doing no shit at all, or you see it’s too late to cook and eat, or you’re just especially lazy at that moment… Grab some milk, and eat some corn flakes or whatever and don’t bother.

Getting started: A warm welcome to the newbies.

Hey there.

This is gonna be a blog on how to fill your stomach, and who knows, sometimes even please your tongue, with simple, explicit and direct “how-to”’s. But most essencially… Without taking damn long.

The oven won’t be used, and we shall create no 40 min’s of waiting, unless of course, it requires no work at all, and we can easily “slip” out of the kitchen meanwhile.

So… Expect no “a bit of”, “some drops” or even “a couple of minutes” from this blog. As a future bioengineer, one must have full scientific rigour, and so shall this blog.

Have a nice day, Peace Out.